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This is Chris Johnson. Right now, Chris Johnson is, hands down the best running back in football. I mean, really. HOLY FUCKING SHIT, this man is a beast. He averages 6.4 yards a carry. He could easily top 2,000 yards by year’s end. The idea of facing him in fantasy makes my balls quiver. ...
Humor
Gruden: I tell you what, Jaws. THIS GUY… Drew Brees… HE CAN MAKE ALL THE THROWS! You see that Sluggo pattern? That’s the old slant and go pattern, the Sluggo. And THESE GUYS… the New Orleans Saints… they know how to throw that Sluggo pattern deep.
Jaws: It’s what we talked about… ROUTE. ...
Humor
He Drew Brees
Gonna Bring You to Your Knees
Slinging That Rock Like “Whatever, Shit”
Brady and Welker Got Not Enough Grit
Patriot Defense Went and Got Exposed
Feeling That Feeling Like They in the Throes
Of Losing
Losing
Losing
Losing
Humor
FACK YO-AH WATAH LOGGED DAHHKIE TOWN
This is the place of Pay-tree-uts legends dating back to 2002! Way-uh Tom Terrific became an icon and the Greatriots wah ushahed into the pantheon of the immahtals. We could nevah lose a big game he-uh! New Ahlins should get a baseball team so the Sawx ...
Humor
Albert Haynesworth prefers his skinny bitches on the rag. From City Paper’s Dave McKenna : “ Junkies producers said Haynesworth’s go-to drink is Skinny Bitch on the Rag, described as a vodka and club soda with a splash of cranberry.” It should be noted that a proper ...
Humor
Cheap Seats
When we last left blood and guts reporter Peter King, he was asking Roger Goodell all the tough questions, like what his favorite constellation is, and which dipping sauce the commish enjoys with his McNuggets (Sweet and sour? That’s crazy talk).
So what about this week? Will Peter ...
Humor
Hypocycloids shaved into the back of your head AND yellow camo? NO! We’re supposed to make fun of THEM for that! It almost ruins the effect of Ravens fans becoming towel spinning tards for a night.
My little adventure in being a pretend journalist for another day was a pointless ...
Humor
Wooo, Sunday Night Football! Oh wait, Steelers-Ravens? Can I downgrade that “Wooo” to a “Meh”?
Yes, it’s Pittsburgh versus Baltimore in the race for second place in the AFC North. The Steelers are without Ben Roethlisberger, backup QB Charlie Batch, and Head ...
Humor
Best episode of “Scrubs” ever.
Today’s lackluster slate of games continues…
Chicago at Minnesota – NFL.com recommends that fantasy owners start Purple Jesus against the Bears today. Thanks to the Shield for that otherwise unobtainable nugget of wisdom. They also recommend ...
Humor
You would think the preponderance of piss poor games on Thanksgiving would free up some quality for the early slate on Sunday, but then you’d think a lot of other things that are stupid and wrong. Instead, we’ve got a slate of dreck toplined by two AFC divisional contests that ...
Humor
Brian Regan
There’s still plenty of time to get your bets in before the games begin, so wipe the crap out of your eyes, heat up the last of your leftover stuffing, and continue after the jump for some questionable picks.
Minnesota -11 vs. Chicago
Jay Cutler’s Tour of Sulk stops off ...
Humor
It’s the day after Thanksgiving, and therefore high time for lethargy. I think the summation of my actions today include eating a few leftovers, typing out a few lazily composed blog posts and catching a matinee show of Fantastic Mr. Fox. Wait, that’s actually a comparatively ...
Humor
CAN BROOKS BOLLINGER DO WHAT TOM BRADY COULD NOT?! Pee standing up? HARF HARF HARF. No, I mean complete a perfect season. That’s right, UFL title game! TUSKERS! LOCOS! J.P. LOSMAN! BROOKS BOLLINGER! VERSUS! 3 P.M.! I was actually considering live blogging the game, which I think will be ...
Humor
The Ravens announced earlier this week that they’ll be passing out tens of thousands of rally towels at M&T Bank Stadium prior to Sunday night’s blood feud with the Steelers. Being that they’re made by Under Armour, you know they’ll have that special illegal ...
Humor
Such imprecations! When a simple “monkeyfighting” will do.
Pottymouth must be yet another nasty symptom of the SuperAIDS. The slipped-in swearing is appreciated though, as this might be the high point of what has thus far been three dreadful games.
Humor
It’s Thanksgiving, which means that, once again, it’s time to post my favorite sports highlight of all time: the 1994 Plano East-John Tyler high school football game. Plano East trailed in this game 41-13 with just under three minutes to go. After that, YEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWW IT ...
Humor
By now we’ve all digested and forgotten last week’s Cleveland-Detroit game, a matchup between two terrible 1-8 teams from depressing, cold cities. And while I won’t defend the quality of play in the game, I feel like we should all stop for a second and realize that ...
Humor
Matt Goldich
Scheduling Advisory: NO MAILBAG THIS WEEK. We apologize for the inconvenience. Consider it our bye week. In the meantime, please look to Savage Love and Roto Arcade for your sex and fantasy football advice needs. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and this NSFW Pirelli calendar with naked supermodels , ...
